Sleep Walking

I lay awake, wondering, and watching the darkness engulfing my presence.  i am awake.  I am present.  But my mind is somewhere else.  I think about how in my life, I feel myself always retreating.  Retreating to the dark and emptiness of sleep.  How my mind unwinds and deepens into peace as the chasm of sleep overwhelms my entire being.  I am free when I am asleep, but I am also nothing.  I am not laughing, I am not crying, I am not me.  In the cavity of slumber, my body is paused, it is held frozen in its place and my problems cease to matter.  All that I am, my headaches, my depression, my anger, my Self, is no more.  Oh sleep.  You are my closest friend and my darkest foe.  You give and take away and  I am at your mercy.  It is as if there is a cliff at the edge of my dreams that I hesitate at, and if I fall, I may never come back. But alas, my eyes are opened and it is over once more.  A new and beautiful day begins, the sun is beaming down on my skin and I radiate once more in its light.  I am back and face yet another day that waits for sleep once more to tip its hat to me.

I look ahead to the world, to see the way it turns and brings me back to its reality day in and day out.  The wonder of the majestic mountains and living waters, they beckon my eyes to journey and my body to adventure their depths.  The awakened feeling of being in the presence of true life and beauty saves me from the darkness and emptiness that sleep encapsulates.  The idea that there is more that has not been seen, that has not been documented, and that has not been felt, carries me through my darkest slumbers and awaits me on the other side.

The empty road ahead beckons me to come forward and follow the covered ground that other weary travelers have left their footprints behind.   But my heart, it calls to the mountains to seek out the unchartered path, the path that leads to my salvation, and the path that calls me to risk everything for.   I cannot go through this life sleep walking, wading in the waters of my own fears and reservations.  The light that shines in my heart aches to be set free to live inside the world and awaken others.  We are all sleeping in this world around us until we find our moment, our light, our way.

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